Ground hogs, Colonoscopies, & the 49ers

If this is your first time logging onto this blog please refer to the blog of 12-17-12 titled Chronicles of a Food Junkie to get up to speed.

Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow today which means according to legend winter will end sooner than later. Since winter began in early October it makes perfect  sense. But, historically February is a rainy month in California. I'm not planting anything for at least another 6 weeks.

I have a very dear friend who's afraid of getting a colonoscopy because someone is sticking a scope up his ass. He's 3 year older than me, and has never had one. After my best friend Joe Chase died when I was 49, he was 53,  I had every test in the world done, and a colonoscopy was one of them.

There's two things I hate about getting a colonoscopy. The first is pre-op, and the second is post-op. Every year right around my birthday I get a physical. Each time I have the usual blood tests done, and of course my doctor does a rectal exam for prostate cancer. After he gloves up and lubes his finger he usually says something like, "This will only take a few seconds." This is when I stop him, look him straight in the eye and say something like, "Look Doc, we only do this once a year. You to take your time when you're up there. I want you to feel around real careful like, and make sure everything is just the way it should be, got it." If they catch prostate problems early there's a good chance you can beat it. Same thing with the colon. Since I had my last colonoscopy done when I was 49, and it's done every ten years, my number is up this year.

When I was working in the trades as a painter I was doing a job in the Castro district of San Francisco for this lovely gentleman who was dying. He told us he was paitning the place so when he died he didn't leave a mess behind for someone else to clean up. I assumed he was dying of aids. I was there painting his apartment for 7 days, and we would talk throughout the day. Finally I asked him what he was dying of. He just looked at me and said,  "Prostate cancer. Get your fanny checked." The fact that a simple procedure such as this can save your life doesn't seems like something to be freaked out about.

The pre-op for a colonoscopy sucks because you have to drink this solution that cleans you out. It is the most vile disgusting thing in the world. It's supposed to be banana flavored, and if you've read my daily food intake you know I love bananas, but calling it something it's not doesn't help. It makes me gag when I drink it. It does clean you out, that much I'll give it, but drinking it is right up there with the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life.

Well, I called the doctor and said, "What else is there besides that gallon of banana flavored crap to clean me out." The gal there replied, "That's what we use." I siad, "You didn't answer my question." She said, "Let me ask the doctor, and I'll call you back." She did call me back, and I was right for a change. There is another product. It contains 2 6 oz. bottles of crap juice that you drink with a little water. You drink the first bottle the night before the procedure. Shit you insides out, and drink the second one 3 hours before the pre-op. Much better.

The procedure itself is painless. You're in a semi-conscious state, and you can actually look at the screen and see the insides of your colon. It's the fantastic voyage all over again. Last time I was clean as a whistle up there, and I'm hoping for the same prognosis this time.

The post op is where you hang out, and they wait for you to pass gas. Last time it took me 45 minutes before I could blow wind, and then they all let out a cheer. Geri drove me home, and before we got to the house I had to vomit, and then one more time after we got home I blew chunks. You're completely out of it when you get home, and all you want to do is go to bed and sleep.

I think my friend likens a colonoscopy to get butt rapped, and that's why he won't do it. It's called
preventative medicine for a reason.

Colonoscopies and butt probes for prostate problems suck, but they are much better than the alternative.

This same friend who's freaked out about the colonoscopy took my $100.00 bet on the 49ers, which I predict will loose. They can be stopped, and the Baltimore Ravens have the defense to do it. I'll leave it right there. You read it here first. By the way, I predicted this almost two weeks ago. Some gotta win and some gotta loose, good time Charlie's got the blues. Tomorrow it's gonna be Jimmy or Johnny.

I also got a dinner bet with another friend and four points.

Win or loose I also predict the streets of San Francisco to be on fire Sunday evening.

No more blogs till Tuesday 2-5-13.

That's it.

Peace,

Make Food/Not War

Food Consumption for 2-2-13

Breakfast: Cereal w/blueberries and banana, green tea w/agave

Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich, shared can of sardines with the dogs on the trail

Snacks: Mint tea, nuts/dried fruit,  peppermint tea w/agave

Dinner: to early to tell...friend's birthday at Betty's diner in Berkeley. I plan on having a hearty dinner since I have to fast all day tomorrow, and half the day Monday.

Exercise: 6 miles trail walking w/the mutleys