China Town & Confession Time

I had to take my friend Michael to the Social Security Administration building in Oakland's Chinatown today, and man did the urges kick in, in high gear I might add.

My doctor's office was in Chinatown at the Asian Health Clinic at Webster and 8th, and every time I would go there of course I would hit some of my favorite food locations. Today I could smell the garlic, soy sauce, spices, and teriyaki in the air, and it dam near drove me mad. I could see the smoked ducks hanging in the butcher shops. I had a serious jones for a pork bun and some beef chow fun, but I said to myself; "Good for you, or bad for you?" I made it this time.

I went through this same scenario each time I went to Chinatown. I'd usually say; "It's your little treat to yourself."

It's like this for me all over town. If I had to go over to the Temescal area of town I'd say to myself, "I'll treat myself to a friend chicken sandwich at Bake Sale Betty's, and a big ass chocolate chip cookie or two." If I went into the city to go the my dentist Dr. George Karsant out on Ocean and 19th, I would make the appointment when I knew Zanze's Cheese Cake store was open.

If you've never had Zanze's Cheese Cake you're missing out on something special for sure. It's not dense like NY cheesecake, it's light, airy and decadent. When you bite into it you close your eyes, the taste hits the roof of your mouth, and before you know you just ate 2000 calories. He's only open Wednesday thru Friday 11:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., and Saturday 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.. He won't tell me his "secret" but I assume he's whipping some egg whites to get that consistency. He uses Philadelphia brand cream cheese, and he makes one kind of cheesecake, in 3 different sizes, that's it. Take it or leave it, and I always take it.

After I got my cheesecake from Mr. Z, I'd head over to San Jose Ave. across from the Ingleside Police station to the Roxie Deli, and get a hot Roxie special sub-sandwich. If it's nice out I'd go to the park across the street and devour the whole thing. It must weigh close to a pound and a half. You can order a half of sub, and I'd always struggle with that decision resolving that; "Hey, I only come over here twice a year to get my teeth cleaned, what's the harm?"

My wife was on a yoga retreat last weekend in the Santa Cruz mountains and our friend Liz dropped her off right in front of my Dr. Karsant's office. My mouth was salivating, and I was having the I gotta have it urges when I went past Zanze's even though I knew he was closed.

A junkie always has an excuse for why an he/she does something, immediately followed by the guilt. And this is how the mind of a food addict works. Am I never going to have another piece of Zanze's cheesecake again? If I live long enough I will, but I'll have to get a small one, which is what I always ordered anyway, and give the rest away to my neighbors. Before I ate the whole thing. It took me two days, but I ate it all be myself.

My wife Geri's food habits are the complete opposite of mine. She's the one who looks at a food item analyzes it contents, and then says to herself, "Is this healthy or not?" If it's not she'll invariably say, "I'll have that instead."  Or she may say, "You know, I'm not that hungry, I'll have an apple and wait till later."

Sugar, fat, and salt work on the brain, and that's is what has become reconditioned. I figured out it's the pleasure center of my brain that I've been feeding, not my body. Maybe I been feeding some god damn anxieties and anger issues too.  One thing I know for sure is my body doesn't need four thousand calories a day, duh. Mostly I've been eating to eat, almost a nervous habit.

The other thing I did was schedule my comings and goings around food. Monday or Tuesday I'd have a huge lunch with my buddy Buzz, who's bigger than me.We'd both make excuses for why we ate too much. Tuesday night after editing class I'd stop and get a big quesadilla suiza, small side of beans and rice, chips, guacamole, salsa, and I'd woof it all down. Two people could eat that meal no problem and be totally satisfied. I'd be full half way through, but I would soldier on. It was my present to me for making it through another video class. How could I refuse myself a present for working so hard. Saturday I'd pick up 5 bagels and cream cheese for the weekend. Sunday it's a lamb wrap and a samosa at the farmer's market in Montclair. Do I need the samosa on top of the lamb wrap too?  And it goes on and on, like the weight. A vicious cycle of eating and guilt. Waking up in the morning and saying to myself;  "Maybe today I'll make the change." I justify it all be saying to myself; "Hey, your doing what you've been trained to do all your life, cook and eat, what's so wrong with that? This is what you love. How can you deny yourself LOVE?"

There's a lot more to all of this that I'll get into in the future.

Question: How do you know when a junkie is lying? Answer: when their mouth is open.

Peace,

Make Food/Not War

Food Consumption Today 1-3-13

Breakfast: 3/4 of a Yukon potato, fried with one scrambled egg, cooked in olive oil, S & P herbs        
                 and spices, orange juice, 1 piece of wheat toast w/apricot jam

Lunch: 1 lamb link, brown rice & the rest of the black eyed peas, small green salad w/black
            olives and red bell peppers

Snacks: nuts and raisins, banana

Dinner: Turkey sandwich on whole wheat with greens, tomato, mayo, mustard, black pepper

Dessert: apple

Exercise: 4 miles trail walks, 1 mile street walk