Frustration and Eating

Yesterday I took my friend Michael to the MediCal office, and I couldn't find the street we were looking for. I was getting very frustrated, and before I knew it I was reaching in the glove compartment for my raisins and nuts, and then guzzling down water.  I was getting more and more frustrated going back and forth, swearing fuck this and fuck that, and then looking over at the In/Out Burger joint off Hwy. 880 saying to myself, "I could sure go for a double double and a large order of fries right about now. That would take away all this bullshit I'm going through right now" When I got home I made my lunch, ate it, and I was wiped out.

Man, the brain works in mysterious ways. If our bodies are the planet then the brain is the ocean. We know less about the brain than any other organ of the body. If we look at the body as a computer it's the software, and our bodies are the hardware. My software is wired to overeat.

I just had breakfast one and half hours ago, but when I made our friend Michael some potatoes, toast, and eggs for breakfast I was hungry again, even though I know my body doesn't need any more food. I just had cereal, tea, orange juice, and a banana. I gave in and had yogurt, 170 calories. It stopped the craving.

I know I'm loosing weight. I can see it in my face, it's getting thinner. I had to adjust my belt and my clothes are fitting looser. Even my wedding band is not as tight. Weight goes up and down and it's not good to look at the scale every day. Looking at the scale can get you discouraged because you eat really healthy all day, exercise like crazy, and then look at the scale and go, "What the fuck, I give up."

There's also what I call the WALL. I know I'm going to hit it. Like I've said before, "This ain't my first Sadie Hawkins dance." I can drop 30 pounds relatively fast. I've gone 6 months on a "diet" before, but when I hit the wall, I broke down. But I digress,  more on the wall another time.

This is it for today. I'll make it.

Peace,

Make Food/Not War

Food Consumption Today: 1-4-13

Breakfast: Orange juice, black tea w/agave, cereal and soy milk, lemon yogurt

Snacks: Orange juice, nuts/raisins,

Dinner:  marinated tofu w/teriyaki & ginger, brown rice, small salad w/red bell peppers, vinaigrette,
              steamed veggies, broccoli, carrots, & celery

exercise: 4.5 trail miles